Week 8: Stress Stress Stress!

    Every family experiences stress, it is inevitable! But have you ever experienced a family CRISIS? What is the difference you might ask? Or perhaps it is actually obvious to you. This week we did some exploring into identifying what the stresses of normal family life are while analyzing our own families and the stresses we encounter there. We also made sure to recognize the processes in which we responded to these stressors. These processes can turn a stressful event into a crisis or simply a challenge, which leads me back to what I was saying before. If we don't find methods to cope with stress, it inadvertently becomes a crisis in our lives and especially in our homes. Every family has experienced or will experience a crisis or two (or three or four), this is normal and common. However, my goal today is to share methods in which we can cope with the stressors in our lives and homes.

     People react in different ways, and we can expect that. We are in fact raised in different homes with different lifestyles and values. Each home has it's own set of stressors, some more serious than others. Stressors are stressful events or behaviors that pile up. If left too long, that pile will tip and a crisis begins. In chapter 13 of Lauer and Lauer, they explain that "whatever particular crisis you face, there are always alternative ways of looking at it." I appreciated that comment, because it made it clear that they were not seeking to solve everyone's problems and say that their crisis are insignificant and give them a one size fits all solution. Instead they were suggesting that the methods of coping include stepping outside our box, getting uncomfortable, and being willing to take a new perspective.

    There are methods that are "ineffective" and those that are "effective." Denial, avoidance, and scapegoating are examples and patterns of ineffective coping. As people take responsibility, affirm personal and family's worth, balance self-concern with other-concern, and learn the art of re-framing-- they will encounter a more effective way of dealing with stress. Life comes with obstacles, losses and stresses, some more serious than others. We need to be compassionate as we see others struggling with things like a loss in the family, divorce, drug or alcohol abuse, violence, etc. 

    Something that I didn't study in my readings but I have been pondering on, is the way the gospel can turn something so intense and something that others may experience as a crisis, into a challenge and into something we are at peace with. I have been able to reflect on my own life and recognize many instances that could've been tragic but weren't because of my deep rooted belief and love for Christ. The gospel teaches us that life is meant to be challenging, it is meant to push us to become more than we are. We know that families are central to God's plan for the happiness of His children. It is so important that we learn to use the challenges in life to our benefit, and seek out the lessons that we can grow.

    I believe that is truly the way we respond to trials, stresses and challenges in our lives that will help determine our level of peace and happiness. Elder Joseph B Wirthlin has taught that, "each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."