Week 11: Parenting

    I loved this weeks discussions and material! As I mentioned earlier in the semester, my husband and I are new parents to a sweet baby girl. She is now 5 months, and we can hardly believe it. Often, my husband and I discuss what we enjoy as parents, what our goals are and discuss how we would react in certain situations. 

    It was fun taking a parenting style quiz to see what my ideals and overall approach to parenting looks like. I asked my husband to take it as well. It was interesting to see the similarities and differences in our scores. This specific quiz that we took is located here and I would recommend it to anyone interested in starting a family and anyone that has one... so everyone! Dr. Michael H. Popkin is the author of Active Parenting, and it is his quiz that helps others to discover their parenting styles. 

    To give you a little insight into my experience with this, I will share my scores and David's scores and their meaning. We were both ranked as high active parents. This means that "your relationship with your child is probably already positive. Though problems certainly occur, an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and teamwork enables you to handle them without the hurt or resentment that characterize the other styles." Active parenting is also known as "authoritative or democratic" parenting, which is ideal. David had a score of 45 out of 50 possible points where I had a total of 41. I was feeling pretty darn good about us! But, there was a notice that my answers reflected a lot of permissive parenting as well. 

    I scored 26 out of 50 in this area, where David scored 22 out of 50. In my mind I didn't think my score was very high or anything to be worried about, but I recognize why they brought it to my attention. Many parents "In an attempt to avoid being autocratic, you may have overcompensated and developed a permissive style. If you are in this group, your relationship with your child may be pretty good as long as you do what your child wants. But you probably find that your child gets very hostile, and perhaps even throws tantrums, when you do say no or make a demand of him or her. Your relationship is characterized by service and pleasing, but only in one direction. You may have already begun to resent this unfairness. If so, you probably scored higher on the autocratic scale than you expected. It is easy to get fed up with a permissive approach and flip back to an autocratic one." Permissive parenting is just as it sounds, and can be just as dangerous as autocratic or authoritarian parenting. If not careful, we allow our children too many freedoms and not enough structure and it can hurt them as they grow up.

    Now, lastly our scores regarding autocratic parenting. Dr. Popkin said "If you’re like most people, you’ll find yourself more autocratic than you thought you were. But after all, this was the predominant style parents used when you were growing up. If you scored highest on this style, you probably find yourself in frequent battles with your child. Anger and frustration probably characterize the power struggles that you and your child experience." There is a link provided on the website to receive help by taking a parenting class that teaches useful skills when struggling as an autocratic parent. It can help parents to become more of an active parent. Here is the link: Take an online parenting class at home. David scored very low, which is not surprising. He is very easy going yet structured and seeks to help other learn through experience, not through punishment. He received a score of 17 and I received a score of 17 as well. We were both raised differently, but we both have similar ideas of how we want our kids to grow and learn. 

    I enjoyed this journey of learning about my mindset and principles regarding parenting. I suggest that others take this and see where they stand. It is so important to be actively involved as a parent. I know I need to do better and now I have the tools that I can!